Another wired dream!

So this time me and my dad went to have a vacation in some foreigner country. And as we were riding on a sunny road we saw the shady castle up on the mountain. So we decided to go and see what it is.
We walked in, and saw that it's an hotel based in the really old building. So we asked the hostess, what was the building for, before in turned in to hotel.
The answer was saying that long time ago, the girls private school used to be located here. And something terrible happened to all on the girls. So the school was closed.
For some reason we decided to stay in the hotel, and as I was walking through it at night, I saw lady in ages wearing an old style closes (around1800 th), and she was walking to me.
So we stared to talk.... She told me that she is the teacher of the class that is studying here, than she showed me the girls and introduced me to her assistant, who was a middle age bold guy.
After a long talk we had, she told me that they are all immortal, and that if I want, I can be immortal too because of my family roots. It all sounded so right, just like I belong there... And the idea of being immortal was pretty attractive...
Only when I woke up from a sound of a very strong wind blowing though my window, I realised that being immortal in that castle would mean death for me.

Yap this is the king of the dreams I have)))
See ya next time, my friends!

OLD FUCKING TIMES!

Something like 3 years ago, back in the other life...

Normal?

Are you trying to be special?
Every day I'm starting my morning by trying to be little bit more like normal people. To be happy from the things that makes others happy, to care about stuff that's important to others, to act like people expect me to act. Why? So I won't end up alone in my room, writing this blog ;). And every time I start to get closer, every time I believe I can do that, something inside of me brakes and I just turn away from the world and hide inside my self, knowing that I just can't meet anyone like me...
It's nice to be different, but it's just really lonely.

Relationship!

What is it? Do we start relationship when we start to date, and do we really end it when we break up? And why is it only called relationship when two people have sexual interest in each other?

How about relationship between parents and they're children, or between friends? Aren't they important enough?

So what exactly do we call a relationship?

My friends are so much more important to me than anything else... They are more important than my family and of course they are more important than my boyfriends, because friendship is the thing for me that can last forever, friendship is something I can believe in, and aren't the love of your life supposed to be your best friend? Ok, I'm not saying that sex is not important part of life. But we all know that absolutely random sex can be pretty amazing! But we are people, not animals (well, at list some of us) and when we need help , when we are lonely, when we are happy or successful, who we want to share are life's with? Our lovers? No. Why? Because sex is just one of our needs, pretty fun need, but still, it's nothing more then an instinct. And again, aren't something you have between you and your lover can also be called relationship, just different one, the one where you care a little less.

So what is relationship? It is that communication you have between you and the other person. And how important it is, is only up to you... Just be careful, because from my experience people that crossed your road never live you completely even after they die.

But to finish on a more positive note, I would like to say thank you to my best friends, the ones that been there for me for many many years, who can see the real me and still love me. And to my new friends, the ones who were able to let me in to they're life's. Hope I won't disappoint you! You are the best relationship I've ever had!

Hugs ;)

The Dream.

So I had one of those movie dreams. Where I was one of the main players. thy story line was this:

Company of a friends went for a vacation to some worm but northern worm type of a place. And one day they all were laying on a beach, there were two couples and one single girl - me. The other girls were acting bitchy to me and their boyfriends, so I decided to show off and started to flirt with the boys, while the girls left swimming.
On a next day we all were hanging out and playing with the water and I forgot to reserve the table for lunch. So as I was sitting in a bar and waiting, one of the guys from our company came to me and told me, that his girlfriend didn't show up and I can join him if I want. So I did.
We started to talk and it seemed that we had so much in common. Word after word he started to tell me that he has so much problems with his girlfriend and that they're not even having sex any more.
Somehow we end up at his place together.
The irony of the situation was in the fact that his girlfriend let me stay at her parents beautiful apartment there...

So... After we had sex, he decided to dump his girlfriend and of course I tried to stop him from doing that.

On a next scene he was talking to his friends and telling them that he's leaving his girl, that he met this other great woman and it's not just about sex, they have a connection. While I was sitting in his girlfriends apartment with her, listening about their problems and how he probably want to dump her. I was feeling terrible when I thought I heard his steps...
I tried to listen more carefully and realized that it's just my heartbeat.So I started to laugh and told the girl that I just missed her boyfriends steps with my heartbeat. And the second I told her, he knocked on a door.
She looked at me excited and said
- Oh my god! You could hear him from a mile, you're like a radar.
- Oh yes, like a radar, - I've answered, while walking to the door.
He started to walk in, and I knew, he wanted to say that he loves me and he want to be with me, so I shouted.
- Hey! What a coincidence, your girlfriend is here, torn away any went to take a shower.


On the third scene she was looking at the mirror (by the way the reflection was me), crying and saying to him:
- I know we are fucked up, and I know we did so many terrible things to each other, and I know I was acting bad lately.
And he was saying.
- No, listen to me, there is something I need to tell you, it's not all about you.
My heart stopped, as I was listening to there talk from the shower, I knew he's going to tell her.
Then she said:
- No it's me, it's all me, but what if we take love and care that we have for each other, - she was saying trough tears, - and just send it to all the bad things that happened to us, what if we really gonna try, because I love you so much and I don't wanna lose you...
He turned to her and said:
- Of Course darling, lets try again, and hugged her.

In the lust scene I was standing in the shower, crying (the really sad music was playing in a background) and watching how the water from the shower hits the floor. I knew, nobody loved me...





I woke up from the pain I was feeling and decided to have a tea and write about this story.
P.S. It was in English.
;)

Some of my poems in Russian.

***

И тот же стол в кафе знакомом
И то же блюдо на столе
И за столом сидим мы снова
Как в прошлой жизни, в феврале.


И вроде та же официантка
Приносит виски нам со льдом,
А я как будто иностранка
Пропавшая в краю родном.


И ты все что-то объясняешь
О том, что нам не по пути
О том, что я теперь другая
О том, что должен ты уйти...


И с каждым словом я теряю
Желанье жить, любить, творить...
И словно лед в стакане, тает
Надежда вновь с тобою быть.


Ведь ты не прав, я не другая
Я та же что и год назад,
Я так же плохо засыпаю
Когда у нас с тобой разлад


Я так же по ночам летаю
Не приземляясь до утра
Свой дом, как прежде, убираю
Раз в год, при помощи ведра.


И так же при тебе теряюсь
Как будто мне пятнадцать лет
И себя так же уверяю
Что будем мы встречать рассвет.


Да, я все та же... Но другая
Ворвалась в сердце, словно шторм.
Сменив замки, и не пускает
Меня туда, где был мой дом...


И ты не можешь мне признаться,
Что чувства наши отпустил
Как страшно все же расставаться
С любимым, что тебя забыл.







***


Безобразно банально лягут строчки в слова
О любви и печали, чтобы в ней утануть
Ночь пронзит одиночеством силой пера
Как обычно, и слезы не дадут мне уснуть

Все не так как у всех. И все так же печально
Ты здесь был, тебя нет. Ты свободен теперь.
И надежда опять, невзначай, так случайно.
Упорхнет, в сквозняком не закрытую дверь.

И с мечтой попрощавшись, что была так реальна
Сердце снова забьется ровной нитью в груди
Если б знал, что во мне было яркое пламя.
Может быть, не позволил бы мне так уйти.

Ну и что, что сегодня все стало банально
Пусть закроет глаза безысходности муть
Пусть теперь я как раньше стала печальна
Ты ведь сердцу пустому не позволил уснуть.






***


Вечер, окно, сигарета и виски,
Ты не пришёл, значит выбрал её.
Я сохраню под замком переписки,
Может быть даже прощу тебе всё.


Может не буду сидеть в ожидании
Брошу бычок, не наполню стакан.
Может глаза, что сейчас так печальны,
Вновь превратятся в опасный капкан


Может быть вечер, несущий лишь холод
Снова наполнится запахом роз
И как сумел ты разрушить так скоро
Вновь восстановленный мир моих грёз.

.

Love this guy!

Just can't stop myself from putting this video here! This is one of the best human being I've seen on TV=)

P.S. I didn't make this video!

* * *

Will I ever be happy again? Will I torn into a typical business bitch and will I forget how it feels to be loved... Will I ever need a friends again? How will life treat me? Will I believe in happy endings? Would I want to live in reality or prefer to stay in my happy world, and what is better?
Sometimes I think it's good not to remember how cool it was, when I used to be a kid...

A fucking crazy Moscow!

Yap! The stories about Russian mafia is so truth! Yesterday night I got myself in a blockbuster style of trouble!
So I as usual I went to the clubs and it was all fun and crazy. I got drunk and decided to go home in the morning.
I'm going outside, catching a car and starting my ride home. And suddenly, out of nowhere two Bentley cars start to follow me, then they, surround car and make the driver stop it!!! Two big guys coming to me and ask me to leave the car and have a talk with them. Ofcors I'm staying in the car and telling driver to push a fucking gas pedal! But al he do is just keep saying - "I don't want any trouble! I don't want any trouble!"
So the guys open my dore and making me leave my car and go to there's...
Lucky for me it appears that the main maffia guy just really wanted to take me for a breakfast, witch he did. And while we were talking he also told me that he would love to invest money in my business and if I need any protection I should just call him or mention his name... (I don't really think I want take money from him=) Then they catch me a cab and send me home...
So here is another fucked up storry of my life!
Welcome to Moscow=)

A little bit of Pride =)

Here is me! The awesome=)))
Just joking!!!
Here is my favorite picks and the part of my my latest interview.
Some of you might saw it... So don't judge to hard=)

Living the time of my life!

So I went for a one week trip to Helsinki and Stockholm, hoping to meet my friends and do a little shopping... Somehow it appear to be the best time of my life! It's really hard to tell about all the great people I've met, so please my friends don't be mad at me if I didn't mention you in this blog. You know I love you!

So here we go...

Before going to Stockholm (my favorit city in the world!)I've decided to stay for three days with my aunt in Helsinki. Witch was sopposed to be most boring time of the trip! But thanks to ASW community and random bar party I've met one great guy who managed to prove to me that Helsinki can be really fun! He showed me really nice places and told me a lot of things I didn't know! So thanks to him I really didn't wanted to leave Helsinki! But the time went fast and I needed to continue my trip, So I went on a cruise ship to Stockholm. I love to travel by boat, but this time I just went to the bar and fall asleep back in my room in an hour or two=)

In Stockholm my friend from France was waiting for me. The thing is it's not that easy for european people to come to Moscow, so a lot of my friends from all over the world was meeting me in Sweden.

So back to the Morning... We met with my friend and went for a walk around Stockholm. God, how I love this city. I was jumping around like a kid, being so happy! Stockholm is the place where I feel like home!

When I finnaly got tired I went for a little shopping and in half an hour it was a time for meeting my other friend that came from Austria for a little vacation in Sweden.

At night we all went to the bars and the night clubs... And as usual a lot of crazy stuff happened to me so when I woke up in the morning, my back, shoulder, hand and the nose was in pain! Truly damaging night!

Next day was a best day of all the trip. All do I had the worst handover ever and I was just sitting all day in my new friend apartment, watching movie and eating pizza, it was really, really fun! Plus I used to be a huge fan of that guy when I was 12. So it was really nice to meet someone you respect so much and see that he has a great personality!

At the boat on the way back I really felt sad... So I went to my favorite pub to get some whisky. My mood was perfectly shared with incredibly talented singer who was singing popular rock, ballad and her oun songs. As she said, her mom and dad died one after another and when she was singing, people in the bar could really feel her pain!

All my lust day in Helsinki I spend with my friend (the one I met in the bar) in the cafe and then at his house. We were just hanging out, doing nothing but still it was really fun!

Not the best news was waiting for me back in Moscow... But it was a normal price for the great time I had during my travel! Thank you, my friends for making this trip the best time of my life. Hope to see you all in Moscow soon!

Here is my little video blog from the way back on a boat =)

Natural beauty

Why do people love it so much? Why do everyone look for it? And why do we feel ashamed to let others know that we have changed the way we look for the better? Isn't who we are is what we've made of our selfes?

Some of us was born more beautiful then the others, so why is it so bad to wish to be better. Why is it bad to wish to be loved. Why do people respect something that was giving them by nature and not something they did by themselves?

I don't like to spend hour in front of the mirror in the morning, I don't like to spend 2-3 hr in a gym, I don't like to buy expensive masks and creams, but I do that. I do that so people would like me. Because no matter what we say, we all want to be loved one way or another. And from what I saw in this world, it doesn't really matter who you are and how much you earn if you look bad.

So why do everyone love natural beauty so much?

Crazy night!

My aunt was coming from Finland to see me and show me her new husband;). So I decided not to work and spend all day resting and all evening having fun with my aunt. This is how one of a top 10 crazy nights happened to me!

Of course after couple glasses of wine I decided that I want to have fun. As my aunt decided to go to bed, I went to my favorite place Garaje. In which I have a club card now! Weee!

Some shots, some cocktails and I saw myself dancing at the Ray club, where bye the way Morandi was singing «live». Nothing interesting happened there, so I desided to go to Opera club, but it was raining so much I had to try to catch a car standing under the guard umbrella, and belive my it's not the easiest way to do that! After 10 minutes of hopeless trying I started to go desperate and then some guy offered me to come to club Famous with him in wich I've never been before but did wanted to go, so of corse I said yes=)

The show I've seen there was really... No words! I'll just post a video so you would see=))). Two girls with really good body's;) Got naked in the lounge under ours and almost made out with each other and couple of guys near them... I can't imagine how they feel in the morning... They shore did Great promotion to the club. You think I was the only one with the camera?=))

In the morning I went to Garaje again to have some breakfast and of cors meet my great friends there... I was so drunk I almost got in to a cat fight in a lady's room, but for good went to have some more drinks with the girls I was fighting=) The party end up in a Mcdonald's with I think is great ending for this pretty fucked up night!

Hello entertaining!

Working and having fun!

It's been a long time.

A lot of things happened, good and bad. My heart was broken couple of times=), I've got awesome jobs and incredible new friends! For one mounts I had to work in a 3 jobs at the same time. So I basicly used to sleep for 3 hours a day!!! I could fall asleep in 2min! But it was really fun. At 3am I had to wake up to go to my first job - NTV(НТВ) news, where I was working as a makeup artist. At 10am I was already going to a second job on Zvezda(Звезда) channel to bring some closes for the TV programs. Then at 4pm I was going on my third job which was in Taganka teatre(Театр на таганке) where I was working as a main makeup artist and had to stay there till 11pm.

It was a great time, but I don't think I would try to do that again soon!!! I got paid very well was able to go to a long vacation!!! And buy myself a new MacBook that was delivered to me by my good friend from US! Thank's a lot for that bye the way)

So as you see I had fun! Life is never boring for me! I was a first in a line for a crazy destiny!!!

See you soon)