The Dream.

So I had one of those movie dreams. Where I was one of the main players. thy story line was this:

Company of a friends went for a vacation to some worm but northern worm type of a place. And one day they all were laying on a beach, there were two couples and one single girl - me. The other girls were acting bitchy to me and their boyfriends, so I decided to show off and started to flirt with the boys, while the girls left swimming.
On a next day we all were hanging out and playing with the water and I forgot to reserve the table for lunch. So as I was sitting in a bar and waiting, one of the guys from our company came to me and told me, that his girlfriend didn't show up and I can join him if I want. So I did.
We started to talk and it seemed that we had so much in common. Word after word he started to tell me that he has so much problems with his girlfriend and that they're not even having sex any more.
Somehow we end up at his place together.
The irony of the situation was in the fact that his girlfriend let me stay at her parents beautiful apartment there...

So... After we had sex, he decided to dump his girlfriend and of course I tried to stop him from doing that.

On a next scene he was talking to his friends and telling them that he's leaving his girl, that he met this other great woman and it's not just about sex, they have a connection. While I was sitting in his girlfriends apartment with her, listening about their problems and how he probably want to dump her. I was feeling terrible when I thought I heard his steps...
I tried to listen more carefully and realized that it's just my heartbeat.So I started to laugh and told the girl that I just missed her boyfriends steps with my heartbeat. And the second I told her, he knocked on a door.
She looked at me excited and said
- Oh my god! You could hear him from a mile, you're like a radar.
- Oh yes, like a radar, - I've answered, while walking to the door.
He started to walk in, and I knew, he wanted to say that he loves me and he want to be with me, so I shouted.
- Hey! What a coincidence, your girlfriend is here, torn away any went to take a shower.


On the third scene she was looking at the mirror (by the way the reflection was me), crying and saying to him:
- I know we are fucked up, and I know we did so many terrible things to each other, and I know I was acting bad lately.
And he was saying.
- No, listen to me, there is something I need to tell you, it's not all about you.
My heart stopped, as I was listening to there talk from the shower, I knew he's going to tell her.
Then she said:
- No it's me, it's all me, but what if we take love and care that we have for each other, - she was saying trough tears, - and just send it to all the bad things that happened to us, what if we really gonna try, because I love you so much and I don't wanna lose you...
He turned to her and said:
- Of Course darling, lets try again, and hugged her.

In the lust scene I was standing in the shower, crying (the really sad music was playing in a background) and watching how the water from the shower hits the floor. I knew, nobody loved me...





I woke up from the pain I was feeling and decided to have a tea and write about this story.
P.S. It was in English.
;)

Natural beauty

Why do people love it so much? Why do everyone look for it? And why do we feel ashamed to let others know that we have changed the way we look for the better? Isn't who we are is what we've made of our selfes?

Some of us was born more beautiful then the others, so why is it so bad to wish to be better. Why is it bad to wish to be loved. Why do people respect something that was giving them by nature and not something they did by themselves?

I don't like to spend hour in front of the mirror in the morning, I don't like to spend 2-3 hr in a gym, I don't like to buy expensive masks and creams, but I do that. I do that so people would like me. Because no matter what we say, we all want to be loved one way or another. And from what I saw in this world, it doesn't really matter who you are and how much you earn if you look bad.

So why do everyone love natural beauty so much?

Dilemma...

Hello from nowhere =)

Uh…. It’s always like this… When I’m at the store I’m saying to myself -"You don’t want to smoke, don’t buy cigarettes". And than when I’m sitting at home with out one I’m ready to kill for it!=) And specially now, when I have a great dilemma! I don’t want to stay at home in misery but if I’ll go out I’ll see so many people I don’t want to see and don’t want to face along… So I have a choice between facing my thought’s along of facing people I’m not ready to see… Any way I’m facing my fears.

What should I do? Who knows?

Thing's to love!!!

Here we go again! This time I wanted to talk about things I love more than everything in my life.
Like Laugh! I love to Laugh. And I love people who can make me laugh and who can laugh with me! One thing that always the same with all the people that’s close to me is that they know how to Laugh!
And Evenings! God I love evenings! They are so rare! Most of the time we see just the day’s and the night’s (Mostly night’s in my case=). But isn’t it great to just walk along in the evening with a nice music in you’re iPod…The smells of nature getting stronger and the hit of the city going down! Thought’s of happiness comes to my had in this kind of moments!
Ou and of course the cigarettes! I’m trying to quit! And this is really hard, because cigarettes made my life so romantic! If you don’t smoke, don’t read this!=) Maybe its movies but it’s amazing how a cigarette can torn a shitty moment’s in to something really romantic and beautiful! I have a lot of shitty moments, and the lust thing I want to do is to live in the reality when this moments comes! Ah… Life is hard!

I think that’s it for now=)))

Any best things in you’re life you want to share?

Today...

Well here I am... Sitting home along. Again. Thanks to my house kipper apartment is finally clean! I think she is always really shocked of how a girl can live like that!!! But well I work like a guy, drink like a guy… Why can’t I live like a guy=)

Ok, back to my loneliness.

I don’t look like lonely person. I have enough money, pretty good job, so someone is always around me. But I’m a typical miserable human being! Why? Because somewhere inside me I don’t know how to be happy. I only feel alive when some drama comes to my house. But I’ve never wanted to be like that! And I really, really want to be happy! I try to change myself every day… But probably problem is not just in me. All this club’s and showbiz crowd, they don’t know how to be friends and I don’t want bulshit people around me. So I always say truth and always stay along.

A lot of people want to know me, but nobody wants to stay. A lot of guys want to have me but no one want to keep me. This is a sad part of my life. But it’s not all sad! I have my great moments! I’ll tell about them in my next note! See ya=)

What it's gonna be.

Here goes my first blog in here. I've never been to smart and to shore in my self to believe that something I would write people will actually like to read. But than I thought – Hey, I’m not so special so what, I still have some ideas I would like to share with people.

I’m not going to write about fashion and TV here. Lust thing I want to do after eight years of work in show biz is talk about it in my free time! So fashion and glum lovers, sorry this blog wont be to interesting for you for you. And one more… I’m from Moscow. So I don’t write that good in English. Sorry)

Well let’s skip explaining and go straight to bloging!