This article could be
described as coming across bitter as it comes from experience of failed
relationship. I believe in love and don’t think that all relationships has to
be this way.
So the story is
simple, I broke up with a guy, and not just a guy, but THE guy. Someone that I
used to date for several years. Of course breakup was long and dramatic, but in
the end it turned in to a blog of somehow fun facts about coupling.
Here we go:
As the title would
suggest, I honestly think that relationship is just as addictive as any other
drug and have exactly the same properties, such as:
Loss of identity,
paranoia, depression, obsession etc.
First step – First
dose.
So you’ve met a
person, boom, you love everything about him/her. This means, it’s your type of drug:
· At first you get high and feel fine only after
5 minutes of conversation. One SMS can keep you happy all day. Just like first
dose of a drug needs to be little and will last for long.
· If you don’t have addictive personality, you
won’t get as high and won’t feel the need in the next dose as fast (for
example, you won’t send 5 texts of “How are you? (Smiley face)” while he/she is
on a meeting and can’t reply)
· If you DO have addictive personality, after
first high you’ll dedicate your life to the drug with one focus – get some
more. Dignity, interests and even survival instincts can be lost.
· Now it’s really important for people with the same
addiction type to end up together, else - one would look crazy and the other –
ignorant.
Second step – Deep in
it.
Now lets say you are
the same type of junkies. You love spending time together and you want to do it
more and more often. Maybe not too fast,
but eventually you’ll end up living together. By this moment you are heavily
addicted, so the drug doesn’t seem as strong and you need new ways of getting
your flow going.
· Usually one partner will be looking for a dose
within the relationship when other will try to find another stronger drug
(That’s when cheating comes in)
· Inability of your loved one to get you as high
as he/she used to, will lead you to feel anger and frustration with that
person. In a good relationship both parties will try and get back that high. In bad, they will fight all the time and
eventually breakup (unless fighting brings back the ecstasy)
Step three – Struggle.
Now lets say, it
didn’t work out, you couldn’t make yourself feel as good and the drug became
useless.
· That’s when you need something stronger, but
remember – if it doesn’t make you as high, it don’t mean that you are not
addicted any more, on the contrary you are now as strongly addicted as you ever
were. Which means – you are not happy, but you can’t give it up.
After struggling to
make it better, both of you start to realize that nothing good is going to come
out of this. But since addiction is strong, people can stay in unhealthy
relationship like this for years.
Step four - Everybody
out!
Finally one of you decides
to breakup. And comes the worst part of it – rehab.
· Ability to quickly get over your drug will of
course depend on many factors:
1 -
Support of friends and family.
2 -
Existence of life outside of relationship.
3 –
Ability to make you addicted with something else (less harmful) for a while -
replacement.
4 –
Strong will.
5 –
Need to take care of someone, something beside yourself.
And
other factors of course – everyone has their own way of dealing with it.
· The moment came; you’ve had the talk. It’s
over, it’s painful and it’s time to move on. You go out for a drink with
friends, everybody is super supportive and for a moment there you think that
the worst part is over. But No. It’s just the beginning. Your body is still filled
with drug, so as you might feel bad because of understanding that it’s over,
you don’t know yet how it feels when your brain starts asking for its usual chemicals.
After a couple of days you’ll feel the need… Need to talk to your loved one, to
go have lunch or see a movie together. Why? Because your brain is used to it.
So as it doesn’t get big doses of drug, it starts to ask you for something
small, like – Text him/her – there is nothing wrong with one text…
· And of course everything is wrong with one
text. Because your ex partner is going through the same phase and if he/she
will be as weak as you are, you’ll go right back in to being junkes again.
· So you are back together and for 5 minutes
there – you are happy. But your problems never went away. You are just feeling
high, and since you haven’t had a dose for a while, the kick is strong again.
· After your “happy time” passes, the failed
relationship shows its ugly face, and the fighting and the blaming comes back
with the stronger force – pain.
· That does it, it’s finally over. Here is where
rehabilitation starts.
At
first it’ll just be bad. That’s your
body not liking the feeling of getting clean. Basically it will be long lasting
hangover.
Everyone
deal with it in their own way, some like eating junk food in front of TV or
computer, others will go and try to have as much meaningless sex as possible. I
prefer to go in to 1-month tour of non-stop partying. That’s just the thing
that works for me.
And then after all the
suffering and depression, you’ll notice that you don’t really feel sad, and you
don’t think of the other person all the time, and when you do, you don’t feel
the need to reconnect.
Congratulations! Your
system is clean, time to look for a new drug…
